Overheard @ College and Dovercourt

Last night on my way home from the west end, Max dropped me off at the streetcar stop at Dovercourt and College. It was a pretty miserable evening, windy and cold, but that didn't seem to stop this west end lady from laying this one on me.

WEL: O oo O O, O oo O O all my single ladies, all my single ladies

Overheard @ Elie Saab

I totally stole this off Dan Levy's facebook wall but it's priceless so thank you Ingela, who ever you are.

"Kanye West, overheard talking to Mischa Barton on the front row of the Elie Saab couture show: 'It's hard to look sexy without looking angry.'"

Truer words have never been spoken, at least not by Kanye West.

Overheard on the street Jarvis and Carlton

Yesterday, despite the snow storm I was convinced to leave my apartment on foot, and walk down to meet Ashley at Jarvis and Queen. As I turned on to Jarvis with my music bumping in my headphones, I suddenly thought I should listen up, there is always something interesting going on on Jarvis. So as I took my right headphone out I glanced around me to see if anyone was worth listening in on. It was then that I noticed the YBT (young black thug) just ahead of me. I took note of his jeans which were embroidered on the back pocket with Simpson characters, classy I thought. He was alone so I figured unless he was one of those, I wouldn't get much out of him. But as I approached Carlton he was greeted by a friend YWT, (I am sure you can guess but the w stands for white not woman.) And I caught this gem of an exchange.

YWT: Yo I caught you, I told you I'd catch up. Mother Fucker, where is my money? Naw, what's up?

YBT: What's up?

Sadly, then I was out of earshot.

Overheard @ Queen Streetcar between Lansdowne and Bathhurst

So every morning I ride the Queen streetcar from Parkdale to downtown. If anyone is familiar with P-dale then they know it is an extremely..oh um...colorful? area.
my morning usually begins with a coffee from coffee time in the heart of cracktown, always interesting.. and then I jump on the streetcar where I hardly ever get a seat and zone out for a bit in preparation for my usually jam packed/stressful/insanely busy day at work.
This morning however, I was unable to get this 30 minute day-dream break and instead, along with the entire streetcar was subjected to a play-by-play of one of my fellow P-dale resident's evening before.

Him: a little/lot 'worn out' looking. Still drunk from the night before...or this morning?...reeked of booze and sweating profusely. He was talking on his satellite phone...or at least that's how big it was and to top off an already charming exterior...he sported a bit of egg in his beard.
Me: Fortunate enough to be standing right next to him.

Drunkard: HEY RON?...yeah, its my Larry...DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY CAR IS? [insert answer from Ron..probably something along the lines of...uh no?]
Drunkard: Ha Ha Ha...well yeah woah man, what a night last night. I have no idea how I got home. I mean, I had a few [Ron: you had more than a few]
Drunkard: So you don't know where my car is? crap. well i mean, at least i didn't drive it home. I mean, I don't think I drove it home...it isn't there right now. Ok man, sorry to wake you up, I'm going to call Fred.

He then proceeds to call Fred, Dan and Jimmy all with similar conversations as above. I was pleased...especially since his volume level for these conversations definitely exceeded what is acceptable at 7:45am.

I think between Dan and Jimmy, Drunkard realized that none of his friends had his car and that probably his wife had taken it...at least I assume this is what happened. After he was done offending the entire streetcar with his vibrant conversations with all of his friends, he proceeded to HOLLER down the streetcar to another one of his friends (Tim)..

Drunkard: HEY TIM!!...TIM!
Tim: yeah Larry
Drunkard: NONE'O THE BOYS GOT MY CAR...PATTY MUST HAVE TAKEN IT TO WORK. JUST REMEMBERED THAT I DIDN'T EVEN DRIVE IT TO THE BAR LAST NIGHT. DAMN WOMAN. HAHA...WOAH MAN. WE GOTTA HAVE NIGHTS LIKE THAT MORE OFTEN! HELLUVA TIME EH?
Tim: yeah Larry.

Good Morning everyone!

Overheard outside the bathroom at Masa - Yonge and Charles

Lauren and I had dinner last night at our favourite Japanese restaurant. We were sat in the most isolated dinning room, unfortunate for eavesdropping but after a while an interesting group were seated at the table next to us. Three guys, athletic, waspy types in rugby (?) uniforms. And one older Asian woman, presumably attached to one of the gents. Their conversation was quite and not that interesting, probably because they had the entire pacific ocean in front of them for dinner. But Lauren and I kept paying attention because, well, they were muscular and men. As we were leaving I told Lauren I was gonna use the ladies room. She said she'd meet me outside. I headed to the washroom just behind one of the gents, I'm gonna call him the Jolly Green Giant. We parted ways as I went into the ladies room and he reached into his pocket for his phone. On my way out he was still outside the bathroom on the phone.

JGG: Hey, no no I'll be home soon, just out to dinner. (pause)
JGG: No I'm with (names omitted) and his wife.

I glance up and catch him oogling me, before I head out into the winter.

Overheard @ Yonge and Wellsley

Gay Black Diva: Hey where are you going? Don't walk away from me when I am yelling at you ... fine.

Pint Size Hag: hahaha whatever

Overheard @ Eaton Center food court

So the other day, I'm sitting in the lower level food court scarfing a bagel/cream cheese after a particularity grueling gym sess. and although I'm pretty much 100% concentrated on my delicious snack and getting it in me before I have to brave the 6pm torture...(subway) I can't help but overhear the convo to my left...

Asian guy and girl...presumably bf/gf..although based on their convo they just as well could be lab partners.

Him: kinda nerdy looking..glasses, textbook open (i like to pass judgment at first glance)...we'll call him Albert.
Her: tall, thin (obviously, she's Asian) , clearly shops at H&M....we'll call her Teresa.

Teresa: I told you...I'm not good at math.
Albert: It's ok...I can explain it to you. Do you know...%*#@)(!+ ? ...(cannot regurgitate what Albert said because sounded like gibberish to my ears...but i assume it was some sort of theory..or equation...or something mathy).
Teresa: (looking bored) Do you have any money? I'm dying for a bubble tease.
Albert: oh yeah, sure! hang on, ill get it for you.
Teresa: Oh thanks, oh and actually, while you're up...can you get me some New York Fries...poutine please. I'm starving.

At this point, I'm a bit depressed and indignant at the unfairness of life. I have to spend hours sweating out salads with tuna at the gym, and little miss H&M gets to drink tapioca drinks and eat meals consisting of fried potatoes, gravy and cheese curds..and she gets to wear the H&M size 2. Bitch...anyway.

Albert: oh uh..sure.
Teresa: And while you're getting that for me, I'll study &*%$#@!~...
Albert: Do you want to walk to class tomorrow before the test? we can review.
Teresa: No sorry, I'm going to Yorkdale.. I need new jeans...but maybe we can grab dinner afterwards? my treat.
Albert: nono, its fine I'll get it., where would you like to go?

I am done my bagel and cannot bear the thought of sitting next to New York fries poutine so I force myself to leave...but wow I was impressed. Girl really knows how to get men to pay for things!

Overheard @ MaCaul headed North on foot.

I pass two girls on the street. They have the unmistakable mark of friends; they look exactly alike.

Friend 1: You know she's got fake acrylic nails and her tits are always out. Super classy

Friend 2: O yea I know what you mean...

Overheard @ Starbucks, Queen and Peter, John, whatever, Hell

This one is a throw back, but also the catalyst for the blog. One day, I thought I might get some "work" done at Starbucks, but instead sat down next to the relationship table. You know the furniture at Starbucks is awfully close together. And the table to my left played host to two of the worst Starbucks dates ever.

Date 1:

pretty tall blond and nondescript guys' guy sit down.

PTB: so Friday night, um well I think we should clear the air a little. I mean I don't have much to say really, just that I think there might still be something here. And I don't know if you feel the same but, if you do maybe we could give it another try. So yea that's basically all I had to say.

GG: well I think there is still something here ... and I would like to see where that leads.

Reassured glances all around, I bury my face in the BOOK, and begin typing furiously to avoid detection. Small talk ensues, they make plans to visit the AGO next Wednesday, cause it's free. They talk about their mutual friends, presumably. GG is definitely glancing in my direction. I wonder is he a perv or am I caught? I mean he knows I can hear him, maybe he just wants to see if I am distracted. Type type type.

An awkward silence follows, prompting the discussion's return to the topic at hand.

PTB: (looks hopefully, smiles, sighs slightly. It's clear she has more to say but the sudden realization that they are at Starbucks washes over the three of us. I am waiting with baited breathe. ) I told you we should have done this at a bar, I wish this was a glass of wine. (Laughing nervously, She motions to her Starbucks beverage)

GG: Yea I get that now. Well can I walk you back to work...

Fades out

Date 2
Not three minutes later I score another one. I don't want to say opposite end of the spectrum, but it was definitely different.
Another couple, their description requires a bit more detail.

She is young, exotic looking, but approachable. She reminded me of any number of beautiful "real" girls that I went to high school with. Everyone at SOTA is real after all. She is knitting throughout their conversation

He, is older, seasoned I'd say, tan, good hair line. Not my type but swashbuckling perhaps. Smarmy. O yea he had an accent, British, sounded like London but I'm not an authority.

I was still wrapped up in the romance of the last two so it takes me a while to get into this one. And with out really noticing them I hadn't made any assessment of their relationship to one another. My ears only perked up when he begins to tell her about his ex.

He, we'll call him Simon: ( It's the British thing, and I think he worked in music. Touring or something.) Well Kim, (that's the ex) and I just sort of fell into a relationship. I was working in London at the time and we met and eventually she sort of moved in. And I was going back and forth to Tokyo a lot and before I knew it it had been 3 years. (It might have been five, I can't remember what he said.)

She, I'm going to call her Amanda: Well but you married her. (I nearly died. From his description I was not thinking wife.) How did that happen? (Well played)

Simon: Well it was the whole Japanese thing, (by now I've gather his ex-wife is Japanese.) It just made things so much easier, so we got married. And it was great for a while and then all of a sudden we were living totally separate lives. I wanted to be in Tokyo more and more, and I was working all over the place. And she was more interested in being in London, so we drifted apart and eventually divorced. We talk though.

Amanda: Wow you seem remarkably removed from the situation. (Now is when it gets interesting. I'm thinking good observation, but maybe Amanda is playing coy.)

Simon: No, I mean we have a good relationship now, but it was brutal for a while. And even still I swear she has ESP, she's very intuitive. She always seems to sense when I have met, someone. She calls and asks if I am seeing anyone. I mean the last time with ... (name I miss, it's hard pretending not to listen.) she knew and asked me point blank. And now with you, I mean she called.

Amanda: O really, you talk. (I think, thank god she's knitting.)

Simon: yea it's funny we are talking about this, because she called for the first time in almost 6 or 7 months last week. And she asked me if I was seeing someone, and I told her I was.

They wax on a bit more, and I get bored by the conversation. He plays with her yarn and they snuggle. He makes some rather lewd references to wanting to be in bed again. I mean I am sitting right here, listening, can't you keep it interesting without being gross. At some point Simon says

Simon: I feel really lucky to have had such good relationships, meaningful. I mean I have had a few soul mates.

Amanda: (doesn't miss a beat, scoffs) How lucky for you.

They chat some more, I don't really remember much after that. At first she seems annoyed at the answers he is producing. I personally can't get over his arrogance and I am thinking what does a with-it girl like that see in a washed out old roadie, who didn't have the sense to stay in London with his sexy Japanese wife? I am assuming she's attractive based on three things. One Amanda's youthful good looks. And a general rule about Japanese women being attractive. O yea and a hunch about Simon's type. But after a while she seems reassured, I guess she finds him charming. And they leave together. Him still muttering about going back to bed, and her with her yarn and a gentle rebuff.

Overheard @ Bloor and Dufferin... on the subway

I'm riding the subway the other day at rush hour...already a pleasant experience, luckily I had a seat and I wasn't going to give it up for any old lady/handicapped person/mother of four with her grocery's..sorry! first come, first seated on the subway at 5:30pm. It's cut-throat!

Anyway, all of a sudden I hear... (rather loudly, I wasn't actually eves dropping although I have been known to do that)

Dude #1: yooo....are u serious?
Dude #2: I'm very sorry.
Dude #1: aww man..common...DON'T YOU KNOW ANY BETTER?

....at this point most of the subway riders turn around to look (or try to at least since they're all jammed in there like sardines)

Dude#2: (clearly mortified) I'm sorry man...it was an accident.
Dude #1: These shoes were new too!

So what I gathered had happened was that Dude#2 had accidentally stepped on Dude #1's "new shoes"...keeping in mind that these are the same shoes that he would have to WEAR OUTSIDE in January...in Toronto. Naturally Dude#1 flipped out because he got a little salt on his pristine new boots and everyone on the streetcar had to hear about it.

God I love public transportation.

Overheard @ The Village Idiot

two guys to our right had several of the most entertaining conversations I'd ever heard. The first was right out of the script from The City, yes that show does have a script.

Guy 1: Dude I just don't know
Guy 2: Well I mean you don't need to get a ring, but a gesture so she knows how you feel. Right man?

moments later,

Guy 2: I think those people next to us were listening, they were totally looking over here, but they don't seem to care anymore.